When You Leave The Room, What Do You Leave Behind?

Taking a quick inventory of how various people in our lives make us feel is the best evidence of the impact we have on others.  Consider the following examples:When You Leave The Room, What Do You Leave Behind?

  • When you run excitedly into your supervisor’s office with what you think is a great idea and they show absolutely no enthusiasm, regardless of how kind they may talk, does it take the wind out of your sails?
  • When a colleague thanks you for the extra attention you gave to a client who may have been unhappy before their most recent visit, does this recognition boost your engines?

Every time we are with another person, there is a resulting feeling.  It is helpful to modify our sensitivity by considering the non-personal causes that might have brought a negative experience/feeling to you:

  • What might have affected the mood of the other person prior to your conversation?
  • What prior experience did you have together that might have created a predisposition for negative communication or feelings?
  • What expectations or fears about your mutual prior experiences could be influencing the other person’s behavior?

Establishing a Fresh Tone of Communication

Sometimes the best way to establish a fresh accepting tone for both of you is to bring your communication into the “now”:

  • A personal, positive remark can often do this.  For example, “I don’t think I have seen that hairstyle/shirt/tie/blouse/etc… on you before, and it is really fabulous!”
  • Make sure your conversations are not about right or wrong but about collaborating to achieve the best blend of Ideas & Options.  When approaching the other person with an idea you might say, “You always have such good ideas that I wanted to bring this one to you for your refining!  I think ‘we’ might be better than ‘me’ in this case.”

If you are nervous about a face-to-face encounter, remember that eye contact and body language are enormous communicators.  Imagining yourself a little farther back from the other person may give you a greater sense of safety.

When It’s Too Late To Moderate

If the communication is done, it’s too late to moderate it and choose words carefully.  If the aftermath is affecting you, what can you do to restore your best self?  Thank the other person verbally, in a person note or just mentally if that’s all you can manage.  Don’t be defensive…there was most likely some value in the discourse.  But if you get criticism on the same issue multiple times, consider what you may be doing to create the other’s opinion of you or your actions.

Just an awareness of how others make you feel may give you the fuel to change your behavior and your emotional wake!

Eaton Escrow Team